Gee-ma

My girls are blessed to have amazing grandmothers who dote on them.  They add so much to our family.  They refuse to act "old" and continue to ride bikes, waterski, snow ski, plan and take fun family vacations, and get on the ground and play with their grandkids.  Both of my girls light up when they see Gee-ma Pammy and Gee-ma Marilyn.  So glad that we live close by so that they can play with them and teach them.

Something more substantial

It has been too long!  The crazy busy-ness of August is gone and I am left wishing I had captured more of it!  If there is one thing that I have felt this past month is it this:  We all aspire to give and receive love: warmth, caring, closeness, sharing. The modern ideal of love is full of golden light and warm feelings.  But our Heavenly Father is not content with superficial emotion. He wants something more substantial, so He gives us families where we are challenged to move beyond gauzy sentiment to real love—love that is lived not only on days when family life is endearing and rewarding, but also on days when it is frustrating and difficult.

Oh, how I love my girls!  I certainly love when we are all together as a family, but I cherish my time with Steve is away and we get to do an adventure by ourselves.  These are the memories that heal the days that seem to leave my soul a bit worn.  There IS opposition in all things.  The good news is that that also means that when life is especially challenging, we can count on an outpouring of blessings as well.

I Will Miss This

It's happening more and more each day.  I catch myself wishing for more time to just hold my Abby close.  She is so active that the only times she really cuddles close and melts into my body is when she is tired  before she sleeps.  I find myself holding her longer because I know this won't last.  Just like Kate, she will grow too big for my arms and our cuddling will turn to holding and lying down together.  This time around the baby stage is going by way too fast.  I feel like I can hardly keep up.  It's so fun to watch Abby master new skills and try so hard to keep up with her big sister - but I want to freeze time every once in a while because I know I will forget what it feels like to hold that little one so close to my heart.  What a blessing my little family is.

New Tradition

I have a new favorite tradition with Kate.  As we snuggle in bed together before bed I share with her something that we did together that day that I loved.  She loves hearing about it and starts talking as fast as her little mouth can spit out the words of the things that she remembers.  Last night it was about the birthday pool party we went to.  "Pool!  Swimming!  Papa diving!  Kate diving!  Pizza!  Abby swimming!  Presents!  Tractor cake!  Ice Cream!  Singing Birthday!  Again!"  It's fun to share these moments and remind myself that Kate and I have a LOT of fun together.

Every Now and Then

Every now and then we will have a day when just about everything goes perfectly.  I LOVE those days - mostly because they are few and far between.  I've certainly gotten used to rerouting an activity or changing our plans because of a tired, cranky kiddo.  But we had one of those perfect days today.  Steve gets a 4-day weekend, so it started off of the right food altogether.  We inflated the big waterslide and had lots of cousins over for lunch and fun.  These awesome glasses brought by Clara were a big hit with the little kids.  After naps, Steve and I decided to get out of the heat and take the kids up to Silver Lake at Brighton for a picnic dinner and some gorgeous scenery.  Kate was skipping just about the entire time and Abby was content in her stroller.  We had such a good time together as a family.  These are the days I hang onto when the crazy days wear me thin.

A Father

For the man whose arms are strong enough to carry my children, whole worlds, my warm, pulsing life-prayers.  For the man strong enough to take his life and lay it right down with wide open laps and storybooks and paying the stacks of bills and long, slow walks and bike rides and swinging outside and plunged toilets and even longer hours and hauled bags of garbage and laughing tag at twilight and then, night upon thousandth night, arms folded by bedsides, head bowed, heart humble before God and family,
the way a real man leads.  I love you honey.  Happy Father's Day!

Birthday Prayers

I freely admit to stealing most of my good ideas from other friends who are blessed with far more creativity than I.  My friend Catherine, over at Wild and Precious, gave me this great idea.  Gonna use it.  Last week her daughter Eliza turned six and they started a new tradition. A birthday prayer.  While talking about traditions once, she mentioned it and I listened. The thought of praying for my children on their special day - their small frame next to mine as we bent divine ears - felt meaningful and right.  Prayer. We string words - simple and honest - with the purpose of harnessing hope, laying down fear, giving voice to promises and dreams. A soft reaching for the future.  Love that idea.

Help Mama

I witnessed grace today, offered by my 2-year-old.  We were in line at a busy restaurant during lunch rush hour.  I was trying to keep Kate from wandering off and eating a stranger's cookie, schlep Abby around in her 2-ton carseat, and juggle a gaggle of toys to keep both girls entertained while we had lunch together.  My hands were full - to say the least.  The line was particularly slow today and Abby decided to let the world know that she was unhappy.  She started arching her back in her carseat and screaming.  Kate looked at me, said "help mama", took the bottle out of the carseat and proceeded to feed Abby the entire time we were in line.  What a sweet picture to see my little one helping her baby sister.  Thank you for the help, Kate!

As For Years

I just finished reading a great article in BYU Magazine titled "As For Years".  The author encourages us to recognize that every stage of our lives is purposeful - even when we question why we might be going through a certain stage or wonder what the meaning of a particular challenge is.  He talks about the Colesville saints and the Lord's commandment to them:  I consecrate unto them this land for a little season, until I, the Lord, shall provide for them otherwise, and command them to go hence; And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good. [D&C 51:16–17]  He writes that the Lord seems to want his people to be prepared, with equal grace, to build and leave temples, to accept both callings and releases, to live in the moment and for eternity. In this life the disciple must learn “to love that well which thou must leave ere long” (Shakespeare, Sonnet 73).  I love that idea.  Especially when I am feeling like I'm barely keeping my head above the water in raising my kids, running a home and being a wife.  We are asked not to merely pass the time but to improve every shining moment, for eternity is composed of such fleeting moments.  So here are three areas that I will celebrate more:

1) Allow Kate to help me more, even though she usually makes the mess bigger, the clean-up longer and my patience shorter.  She will learn to love the things that I share with her and the truth is: I love watching her learn.

2) Celebrate Steve's job, even when it is so unpredictable.  He loves what he does, he is providing for our family and that's all that matters.

3) Remember that a mother's mind is her children's classroom.  Continue to do creative projects, even if they don't turn out exactly like I anticipated.  It's the journey that matters most of the time - not the finished product.  And that's an important lesson to teach my girls.

I Guess That's Progress

Look at that face!  You would never guess that she has added a dreaded phrase to her vocabulary - DON'T.  Spoken with verve and attitude!  I have been trying to help Kate replace the phrase with a less harsh alternative: No, thank you.  I was wondering if it was even permeating that toddler brain of hers when we were sitting on the bed the other day together.  I was trying to finish a business email and Kate was pestering me with a question in only the way a sweet toddler can - asking over and over and over and over again until she gets the response she is looking for.  I turned to her and said "Chill out honey 'til Momma is finished" - to which she promptly replied "No, thank you!".  Well, it's a step.

...and that's good enough for now

I wondered today about whether or not I am putting my time in the right places.  There are SO many options of how I can use my time and I am very aware that where I choose to spend it may not be where others would.  Everyone has different priorities: some prioritize a clean home at the top of their list, others fitness.  Some prioritize cooking gourmet meals every night while others spend a lot of time on hobbies.  I am not pointing fingers at all.  I just realize that when I try to make everything a priority, then nothing is a priority.  I am finding that I am most satisfied at the end of the day when I have made my kids my priority - even when that means that other things are lacking.  I am trying harder to incorporate those important things back into my life better - cleaner house, exercising with my kids, doing my hobbies after they go to sleep, and cooking more at home.  But I love that I get down and dirty playing with my kids and that I take most of my time doing it instead of having them be bystanders to my others tasks.  Sure this will shift as my kids grow older but for now I can live with the toys on the floor while I give my kids my undivided attention.  It's fun being a part of their journey.

Surrender to the Music

Motherhood is much harder than I anticipated.  I'm not sure why, because I've always been drawn to babies and children.  Perhaps I underestimated how tired I would feel - almost all of the time.  Perhaps I didn't recognize the amount of patience that would be required of me with my independent but clingy 2-year-old.  And certainly I didn't prepare myself for the uncertainties and fears that I sense about raising my children in this untethered society.  

Lately I have been thinking about and recognizing that acceptance of these difficulties can take me a long way toward happiness.  Every stage of motherhood offers different facts that I need to accept better.  When I have a newborn, I have to accept interrupted sleep, even it's months longer than I anticipated. When I have a stubborn 2-year-old, I must accept that there will be tantrums as she learns to accept that she can’t always have her way. 

As I accept the facts of my own stage of motherhood, my own circumstances and my individual girls, I don’t have to add surprise and frustration to the already difficult situations I encounter each day.  I can go into a lot of situations prepared. When I wake up to a Abby's cries, I can think, “Yep, time for her to eat – a little early, but hey, babies can be unpredictable.”  And each day, I can expect that there will be a time when both girls need something at once and tensions escalate. When that time arrives, I can think, “Yep, here it is. I knew we’d have a crisis sometime today, but things will calm down in a few minutes. They always do.”

Every stage of motherhood has its ups and downs. Every week and every day has its ups and downs. We might as well accept it and prepare for it where possible. And once I’ve got that acceptance and preparation in place, it’s a lot easier to enjoy my life.

Priceless Chaos

I don't profess to be a writer.  And I certainly don't have the time right now to hone that skill.  I am keeping these "joyful snippets of life", as my mom says, as a way to document the wonder in the craziness of it all.  To more quickly recognize the moments in my life as a mother and wife that create the beauty - the celestine moments, if you will, that keep me grounded when I feel like crouching in a corner and wishing for something different.  To remember that I chose this life - and would choose it again in a heartbeat - most days...

Quick Friends

Sure, Abby understands that I am her source of life right now.  I am responsible for her sustenance, her safety and her general well-being.  She rewards me for this with a wonderful, even temperament.  The huge smiles and belly laughter, however, are saved for her true champion: the best big sister she could have asked for.  Kate loves coaxing a good laugh out of Abby and it doesn't take much for her to do it.  Abby is so quick to engage with Kate and they are becoming very good friends.  Kate is learning to share with Abby and loves to teach her new things or show her a newly-acquired 2-year-old skill.  It's times like these that make me grateful that I didn't wait too long to have Abby.  Who can resist a new best friend?

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

I was thinking today about some of the things I know I will miss when Kate grows up and out of what is now her pure, innocent desire for reassurance.  I will miss her saying "Hold-ey" while she puts her arms out and asks me to hold her close and tight against my chest.  I will miss her wanting to "cuggle" before she takes a nap or drifts off to sleep at night.  I will miss her nightly routine of a Baby Einstein "moomie", reading as many books as we will allow her to fit in, a prayer with her trying to repeat as many of the words as she can and then kisses all around.   But what I will miss most are the random moments throughout the day when she sidles up to me or snuggles in close, wraps those little arms around me and quietly reassures me with a beautiful "Hi Mama" or "Wub Wu".  I ache when I think about her growing up so fast.  Let me treasure this just a little longer...

Say What?!

One of the things I love about having a 2-year-old is seeing her language develop almost daily.  She is especially good at mimicking and using my language, both verbal and non-verbal, in her own communication.  Let me just say that we have had some funny moments around here.

Scenario 1: We were reading one of Kate's favorite pop-up books "The Very Funny Frog" and she accidentally ripped the head off one of the pop-up paper worms.  She got a very serious look on her face, turned toward me and suggested: "Book.  Owie.  Tylenol!"

Scenario 2:  I asked Kate what she wanted for lunch.  She suggested "Berries, cheese and peas".  I looked into our barren fridge and didn't find any of those.  I told her that we didn't have those and suggested some other possibilities.  She shook her head and declared "Mama, Costco!"

Scenario 3: We often go for walks in the morning and enjoy walking down the street to visit Teton, our neighbor's golden retriever.  The other day we passed his house and he wasn't in the yard.  Kate said "No Teton.  Shoot!"

Oh what fun it is to ride, with a 2-year old learning to express herself.